I Forgot to GO!
I just drank some very foul stuff. Up until now, Sunday has been a great day. Church was wonderful; Sunday School was scintillating; brunch with friends was fantastic; the "End of the Spear" movie was moving; dinner was delicious... all in all, it was a super Sunday.
No, I'm not a Super Bowl fan. Richard watched it, I cooked, then read cookbooks. Lost track of time and missed evening church... Now this! I drank 12 oz. of some sort of horrid dye for my CAT scan tomorrow... and must drink an equally putrid amount of it in the morning. Who concocts this stuff?
I had a CAT scan appointment for last Friday, too. I had seen my doctor Monday and she had them squeeze me in. The radiology department called every day to remind me. I had it in my planner and did not forget about it. I got up and ready well in advance because I know how often I have to redo things or perhaps return home for something I forgot. I was all set two hours early. Great!
But I forgot to leave! I forgot to GO!
I happened to look at the clock at 10:25... my appointment was for 10:30! I left and drove to South Sacramento, praying they would take me. Sure enough, when I got there they said they would work me in. Then the receptionist sweetly said, "You did drink all your prep, didn't you?"
Prep? What prep? I didn't know anything about a prep.
The receptionist was no longer smiling. "We told you three times!" she accused. I still had no memory of it. Sometimes things pass through my brain and I may react or respond in the moment but know nothing of it later.
"Well, if you haven't taken the prep, we can't do you today.," she told me, shaking her head in utter dismay. She gave me a bottle of the "prep" and reset my appointment. Then, still shaking her head, she repeated, "We TOLD you. THREE times!"
Tears burned my eyes as I searched for my car. It's always hard for me when life reminds me yet again just how broken my brain really is. I got ready to go, but forgot to leave. Kaiser reminded me to come in for the prep and instructions - THREE times! I didn't forget that. It just never registered. It was never there to forget.
Earlier today, Richard was talking about something we experienced together... except I had no memory of it. Usually, I just nod and say appropriate things, acting like I know what people are talking about. But sometimes with people I know and trust well, I just tell them I have no clue. I told him I didn't remember. He said, "Yes you do. You remember thus and so, and this and that..."
No, I didn't remember... not a bit. It;s hard for people when I don't remember, and they always try to give me hints. Sometimes that works. If it got recorded in my brain in the first place, then a prompt amy help... but too many times, the incident just never landed anywhere in my cranium... so, for me, there is nothing to remember.
Sorry about airing my emotions... my defenses are a bit down. They shouldn't be...
I have so much to be thankful for. The simple fact that God is willing to use me, and indeed has a plan for my life which includes my damaged brain, that He gives me the courage to stand and deliver even though on shaky legs, even knowing how often I am so far from perfect or even acceptable, that simple fact brings me to my knees in gratitude.
One thing's for certain, when the gates of heaven are opened for me, I won't forget to go! Jesus will be right there reminding me that He took care of the "prep" for me and I'm all set.
I'm also not "down" any more. God is SO good!
No, I'm not a Super Bowl fan. Richard watched it, I cooked, then read cookbooks. Lost track of time and missed evening church... Now this! I drank 12 oz. of some sort of horrid dye for my CAT scan tomorrow... and must drink an equally putrid amount of it in the morning. Who concocts this stuff?
I had a CAT scan appointment for last Friday, too. I had seen my doctor Monday and she had them squeeze me in. The radiology department called every day to remind me. I had it in my planner and did not forget about it. I got up and ready well in advance because I know how often I have to redo things or perhaps return home for something I forgot. I was all set two hours early. Great!
But I forgot to leave! I forgot to GO!
I happened to look at the clock at 10:25... my appointment was for 10:30! I left and drove to South Sacramento, praying they would take me. Sure enough, when I got there they said they would work me in. Then the receptionist sweetly said, "You did drink all your prep, didn't you?"
Prep? What prep? I didn't know anything about a prep.
The receptionist was no longer smiling. "We told you three times!" she accused. I still had no memory of it. Sometimes things pass through my brain and I may react or respond in the moment but know nothing of it later.
"Well, if you haven't taken the prep, we can't do you today.," she told me, shaking her head in utter dismay. She gave me a bottle of the "prep" and reset my appointment. Then, still shaking her head, she repeated, "We TOLD you. THREE times!"
Tears burned my eyes as I searched for my car. It's always hard for me when life reminds me yet again just how broken my brain really is. I got ready to go, but forgot to leave. Kaiser reminded me to come in for the prep and instructions - THREE times! I didn't forget that. It just never registered. It was never there to forget.
Earlier today, Richard was talking about something we experienced together... except I had no memory of it. Usually, I just nod and say appropriate things, acting like I know what people are talking about. But sometimes with people I know and trust well, I just tell them I have no clue. I told him I didn't remember. He said, "Yes you do. You remember thus and so, and this and that..."
No, I didn't remember... not a bit. It;s hard for people when I don't remember, and they always try to give me hints. Sometimes that works. If it got recorded in my brain in the first place, then a prompt amy help... but too many times, the incident just never landed anywhere in my cranium... so, for me, there is nothing to remember.
Sorry about airing my emotions... my defenses are a bit down. They shouldn't be...
I have so much to be thankful for. The simple fact that God is willing to use me, and indeed has a plan for my life which includes my damaged brain, that He gives me the courage to stand and deliver even though on shaky legs, even knowing how often I am so far from perfect or even acceptable, that simple fact brings me to my knees in gratitude.
One thing's for certain, when the gates of heaven are opened for me, I won't forget to go! Jesus will be right there reminding me that He took care of the "prep" for me and I'm all set.
I'm also not "down" any more. God is SO good!
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