Max Cooper's Pen - Third of the Month Lumps Old People Together

THIRD OF THE MONTH LUMPS OLD PEOPLE TOGETHER

Editor's Note: This article first appeared in a newspaper of the Pioneer Publishing Group in Michigan on August 18, 1982. You will observe that it was written prior to the widespread electronic direct deposit of Social Security checks.

Something has to be done about the Third of the Month. The Third is the day of each month when Social Security checks are distributed to us Old People. (Note: I'm not certain whether that should be "to US Old People" or "to WE Old People." I could look it up again, but I have a couple of friendly Readers who like to correct my grammar, and I'll hear from one or the other if I'm wrong.)

This week I heard a public official who shall go unidentified say that Senior Citizens are interested in only three things: The Third Day of the Month, free meals at Senior Citizen Centers, and good roads so they can get to town to cash the check and eat the meal.

Now those of you who, like myself, have silver threads among the gold, just calm down and hold your fire for a moment. In the first place, in the context of the man's entire speech, the comment about Senior Citizens was not that abrasive. He said it in a friendly tone which indicated that some of his best friends are past 65 years of age. And he was also critical of other groups in the general population whose wants and wishes are greater than the government's ability to provide.

On the other hand, my own radar about people's feelings tells me that there is some animosity towards Old People--generated in part no doubt, because there are so many of us Ancients around. We Senior Citizens are a numerous minority, and there are some ornery ones among us. So the official whom I quoted may have been set off by an irate grandmother or a salty-talking old codger.

Even I have my moments of exasperation and unreasonableness where other Old People are concerned. Whenever I am cruising along the highway and some car enters from a side road, forcing me to slow down while the driver loafs along for half a mile before he gets rolling, I mutter to my Wife, "I'll bet that's an Old Goat driving that car." Because I figure a younger person would pour the coal to the engine and get out of my way. Not all Senior Citizens are acid-tongued, and only a small percentage dawdle when they drive, but we all tend to be lumped with the few miscreants who annoy our younger fellow citizens.

This is not the first time in my life that I have been a member of a minority group that is too small to control the situation, but numerous enough to irritate some. During the World War II period, I spent some time wearing the uniform of a Navy enlisted man in Colorado Springs, Colorado. "The Springs" was a relatively small town then in the midst of several gigantic military bases, and a lot of the people were sick and tired of the Army and Navy. I heard a person then express the opinion that enlisted men were interested in only three things: things they could eat, things they could drink, and things they could have sex with. Incidentally, the person I am quoting expressed the third interest in more forceful Anglo-Saxon terms. I still remember sitting with my Wife in a restaurant for what seemed like a couple of hours waiting to be served, while waitresses ignored me and pandered to civilians at tables all around us. Military pay being what it was then, those of us in the bell-bottomed trousers did not always tip munificently--a fact which had not escaped the waitresses' attention.

Another time, I lived in Lake County, Colorado, and most of the residents were youthful employees at one big mine. We were generally supposed to have an interest only in payday, quitting time, and raising hell. On a Climax Molybdenum Mine payday, young motorists driving cars with Lake County tags were frequently stopped by officers of the law in other counties and compelled to pay tribute to a Justice of the Peace before being permitted to proceed. It would cost you up to $80 in 1939 money to get out of the JP office. One time when I was stopped, I expressed my honest opinion of the proceedings and made a lasting enemy of the officer. He thereafter industriously stopped that car and gave it a detailed inspection whenever he saw it--even when my Wife was driving it. (I suppose he thought my Wife agreed with my opinion of him. How could he know she has her own ideas about most things!)

I don't want to be a member of another minority that is believed to be interested in only three things. So come on, you other Senior Citizens, let's leave the complaining about public services to the younger people unless the provocation is really great. And about that Third of the Month time when we all congregate at the banks and grocery stores making life more difficult for others--there is a simple solution. Social Security does not need to pay us all the same day. The checks could be mailed throughout the month, with some being paid on the First, some the Second and so forth. That way, we would not be so visible downtown.

And you other Graybeards, humor me a bit by either waiting till I am past the intersection before pulling out, or kick the machine in the tail like a young driver would and get on up the pike so I won't have to slow down. I've had enough of that kind of trouble in my life. I couldn't get waited on in a restaurant because of the limited interests of a few other fellows in uniform. I was fined $80 and made an important enemy because I had the same kind of auto license as a few immoral revelers. So now, I don't want to be thought of as ornery and narrow-minded just because my hair is getting gray.

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