Cat Humor Page 2

Cat Humor Page One
Cat Humor Page Three

Cat Humor

First, a cat fact: A cat's tongue is actually a very sophisticated cleaning device, in addition to its other functions. It is covered with tiny, hooklike, backward-pointing extensions called papillae, something like one half of a velcro connector.

When it cleans its fur by licking with its tongue, a cat is pulling these hooks through the fur. As the hooks pass through, they pick up dirt and skin flakes, and more importantly, any fleas, flea eggs, or other skin parasites that might be present. The cat swallows these along with any loose hair, and they are killed by the strong acid in the cat's stomach.

The cat's tongue is also important for eating, of course. In nature, cats use their rough tongues as efficient tools for scraping the flesh from the bones of their animal prey.

CAT TAG LINES....

A cat is only domestic so far as suits its own needs.
"Bother," said Pooh as he pulled the cat off his face
Cats are around to remind us why we need opposable thumbs.
"meooOOW!" SPLAT! "wooOOF!" SPLAT! (raining cats & dogs)
"My cat's breath smells like cat food." -- Ralph Wiggum
Never try to outstubborn a cat....
"The cat was created when the lion sneezed." -- Arab Myth
... And God said "LET THERE BE CATS!" ..... And was ignored.
A cat is just a bundle of purr.
A Cat is the Universe's way of showing up purrfection...
A cat is, above all things, a dramatist.
A cat pelt is nothing at all like a cat.
A cat still needs someone to be independent *of*.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
Are cats really intelligent aliens taking over the earth?
At such times, the wise cat retires to meditate.
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the Cat? (Y/n)
Be smart as a cat. Make a friend of your enemy's enemy.
Cat + unattended keyboard = garbage all over screen.
Cat Game #6: fit into the smallest space possible.
Cat Rule #2: When in doubt, cop an attitude.
Cat Rule #3:Climb your way to the top, that's why the drapes are there
Cat HAIR all over the keyboard. Don't blame me for spelling errors.
Cat Toy (n): Any object on the ground.
Cat's aren't clean, they're covered with cat spit!
Cat: Ethereal music wreathed in mystery.
Cat: Furry keyboard cover.
Cats *are* the higher purpose of the universe.
I understand life and the universe. Cats are beyond me....
I'm a cat, hear me roar, I am too big to be ignored - Garfield
I'm busier than a one eyed cat watching two mouse holes.
If cats bought cat food, it would wiggle.
If I throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter?
If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat.
In a cat's eyes all things belong to cats.
In the eyes of a cat, all wisdom may be found.
Is yours a real cat, or does it come when you call it?
It is better to feed one cat than many mice.
It is in his own interest that a cat purrs.
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
It's either bad music, or nine cats in heat....
It's the cat's house. We just pay the mortgage.

HOW TO WASH THE CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,
The DOG

Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Mary Bly

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer. - Bruce Graham

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. - Unknown

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. - Anonymous

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. - English proverb

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. - Ellen Perry Berkeley

One cat just leads to another. -Ernest Hemingway

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. - Joseph Wood Krutch

People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. - Anonymous

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine

No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me. - Unknown

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer

The cat has too much spirit to have no heart. - Ernest Menaul

Dogs believe they are human. Cats are sure they are divine. - Unknown

Time spent with cats is never wasted. - Colette

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. - Missy Dizick

You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats. - Colonial American proverb

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. - Joseph Wood Krutch

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic. - Unknown

My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes. - Unknown

Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit. - Unknown

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

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